Confused Pasadena Woman Thought The Purge Was THIS Monday, It's Actually NEXT Monday
"My bad," said the yard tool wielding woman when asked about the incident.
Pasadena, CA — Police say that one Pasadena woman made an honest mistake this Monday when she started purging a week earlier than the real event, scheduled the following Monday. Officials warn that any form of purging is not allowed until NEXT Monday and that “anyone found pre-purging will be dealt with accordingly”1
That’s when we knew it was all just a silly misunderstanding.
Clown Pilled News was able to interview some at the scene:
“When we arrived on the scene. The pickaxe-wielding woman had already broken out most of the large glass windows at the front of the residence. She turned to us and presumably thought we were a roving gang of well-funded Purgers and ran. At the time, we didn’t know what to think.”
“That’s when Officer Dangle pursued the suspect and tackled the woman into a small juniper bush at a neighboring residence. At that point, things got confusing when the lady began screaming, ‘I’m purging, motherfucka! I’m purging!’”
I’m purging, motherfucka! I’m purging.
“That’s when we knew it was all just a silly misunderstanding and let the woman explain herself,” said police Sgt. Ron Johnson, who was first to arrive at the scene.
Apparently, the woman told the cops that she had incorrectly marked her calendar and forgot to account for the fall equinox. Then took a big hit off her crack pipe2 and walked off, thanking the officers for keeping her community safe.
“I’ll be back next week. My bad!” she yelled sheepishly towards the victim’s residence.
“Hey, it’s California, what can you do?” joked the Sargent, "We all had a big chuckle.”
Unfortunately, the police couldn’t further assist the homeowner and suggested he start cleaning up the mess before they had to cite him for criminal mischief and vandalism.
The owner of the now vandalized home, still in shock from the whole incident, was just happy everyone was alright.
“I almost shot the bitch,” said the man, “but something told me there was more to the story, and I knew the purge was still a week out. It just didn’t make any sense. That’s when I called the police and hid my family in our “Newsom Systems DL-7” official purge panic room."3
“It was an honest mistake and could have happened to anybody. Plus, they had to let her go. What can you do?”
🤡 It’s Satire, Stupid!
🤡 Unless you happen to be a person of color, at which point you can pretty much get away with whatever you want in California.
Full disclosure: This article is sponsored by, “Newsom Systems DL-7. DL-7, the only panic room you’ll ever need. When you get into a DL-7, you’ll never want to leave.”